Tag Archives: zombie

Day 36: Zombiepocolypse

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Today just seemed to be one of those days where everything got under my skin and nothing went quite the way I would have liked. When I get in those moods it’s often hard to see positive in much of anything. But, I have to. Because I promised myself 36 days ago that I would. And here we are.

I leave for vacation tomorrow so work this entire week has been even more hectic than usual, as I’ve had to do this week’s work and next. That, combined with the fact that I’ve had some outrageous, unrealistic requests that I’ve had no choice but to fulfill. I took several things home today and at 11:30, am just finishing the last of it. Reminds me of college the night before a big paper is do. At least I’m getting paid.

But that’s not what I’m thankful for. A large part of my job involves writing. Most often, it is very business-formal and not fun at all. A cocktail of corporate jargon and overused PR phrases. The “bottom-line” and “state-of-the-art” fill in the blank chase me in my sleep. As a little girl, I was afraid that a monster in my closet would get me, now, I fear the zombies turning me into one of their own.

Every once in a while, I get to write something that is really fun. It’s usually not important – a paragraph on an invitation, a thank you letter. I guess it probably sounds like something to be depressed about more than thankful, but in all honesty, it is fun to write something that people enjoy, even if it is a phrase or a paragraph or a letter with someone else’s name on it. I whip out a lot of quick material because I’m dominated by deadlines. Taking work home isn’t necessarily fun, but I spent an hour writing a letter that I really liked tonight. Only 400 people or so will ever have the chance to read it, so if I’m lucky, maybe 50 actually will. But it’s something I’m proud of. It’s good to feel good about something that I wrote, even if no one else will ever know it was me.

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Flip a bitch.

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Driving today, enjoying some Lilly Allen, I took a left turn, and ended up about 15 miles south of the right turn I should have made before I noticed. I was on a divided highway and couldn’t turn around. Next exit: 5 miles. Five miles of knowingly driving the wrong way after 15 minutes of unknowingly driving the wrong direction. It made my eye twitch.

Because that’s a frustrating thing, to be driving on a road, going in a direction you don’t want to be headed, and be told you are not allowed to turn around. I did what most people in my situation would have. I examined the height of the median, weighed the consequences, and “flipped a bitch” as the saying goes. Nothing damaged, no cops chasing me, I carried on my merry way.

And I thought,’that was easy’. And it was. I’m sure I broke a few laws, but I saved 5 miles each way. Or rather, didn’t lose it.

So, of course I’m leading to a big, sweeping analogy, because that’s how I make sense of the world and my decisions in it. Here it is:

I drove 15 minutes the wrong direction without even noticing. I was driving. I should have my license revoked at least. But how often do we do this? Keep moving forward with the lowest possible level of consciousness to get us by, a lot of times knowing it isn’t right. Our jobs, relationships, diet, lifestyles, and all of the choices we consistently seem to forget we are actually making. Nothing is just the way it is. We are making the choice every day.

So the next part of that is turning off the radio and tuning in to our lives. Being aware of all of the things happening around us. Making an effort to check in on the people we care about. Making an effort to check in with ourselves. Taking that cooking class, going on that jog, buying that dress that we’ve had our eye on.

We are exposed to countless stimulus constantly throughout our day. We are driven by timeframes and deadlines and the expectations of our bosses, our friends, our lovers, our family and our culture. Often, it feels like we are being pushed by a momentum we can’t control.

But just remember whose foot is on the gas.

If only every decision in life was so simple as flipping a bitch. If only when we felt like we felt like we were going the wrong direction, we took a moment to think about it and then we just turned around. If only people didn’t get hurt in the process, our money was safe and we had insurance on our decisions.

But, we don’t. And that’s scary.

But it might be more scary to wake up behind the wheel one day and not even know that we were the one driving the entire time. So, if the urge strikes you, flip a bitch.